Thursday, March 22, 2012

Musings from the Park

As I sit in the sun and contemplate where my life has brought me, there are many thoughts that race through my mind.

1)       It’s amazingly warm for March.  This has been the weirdest weather year in a while and while I’m happy to be wearing shorts and a t-shirt outside, a bigger issue comes to mind.  Climate Change - Global Warming, whatever you call it, is obviously real; otherwise, I’d be outside in a snowsuit right now like many years past (who am I kidding?  I’d be inside if it was as cold as it used to be at this time of year).  We need to start addressing the reality of the situation so we have something to pass on to the next generation. 

2)      I’ve spent my life on a constant journey of self-discovery.  I guess that’s natural, and everyone does this from time to time, but I am continually searching for something more.  When I think I’ve found everything and am satisfied, that familiar wanderlust appears, making me crave something more.  More money? Maybe, but that’s not the forefront of my thoughts. I guess I’m continually searching for that feeling of fulfillment.  Perhaps I’m never going to find it and be constantly aiming for the stars.  I’m not sure that kind of ambition is really a bad thing.  The short attention span or the habit of giving up when things get rough might be more a detriment, however. 

3)      I’m going to be 31 this year, and my biological clock is sounding the alarm. The laughter and shrieks of children in the playground; the sound of strollers being pushed through the park, this amplifies the alarm, showing me that there is really a limited time left for me to figure it all out.  I’m hoping this move to Toronto helps me achieve more in the way of a career, so that the family factor can finally be worked in.  Stability is my one major need, and until I feel stable and confident, this can’t be addressed.

4)      Finally, I enjoy being outside.  I’ve been described as a homebody, but being outside in the sun, enjoying the sounds of life around me, this is bliss.  I’m an observer.  I sit back and watch others as they go through daily life; sometimes I analyze, and take cues to implement into my own.  I like to wonder about people, make up stories about them in my mind, and let my imagination take over.  It’s kind of like being a child, using your innermost sense of creativity, fostering that sense of possibility and wonder.  It allows you to relive that point of your existence when your world was small and life was simple.
I find my mind wandering, contemplating; my ears tune in to various sounds of both natural life and man-made contraptions, and I let my mind shut down and drift as I bask in the sun and cool breeze….

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